I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
