tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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