You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
