i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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