I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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