I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
