He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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