i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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