last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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