Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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