It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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