is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
