giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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