just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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