It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
