Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
