You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
