After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize