I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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