I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
