the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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