508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
