I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
