i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
