Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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