last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
