when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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