how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
