i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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