I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
