i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
