summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
