highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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