From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
