Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
