after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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