Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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