I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
