I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
