Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
