Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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