Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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