my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
