You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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