so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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