So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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