I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
