Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
