I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
