Pants 0. Shit 1.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
