I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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