if you like me you must not know who I am
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
