I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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