Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
