There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm too high and old for this...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
