just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
