She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
