Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
