Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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